is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
