I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
