The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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