Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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