apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
