Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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