I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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