The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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