Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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