I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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