And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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