went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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