Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
