sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
