Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
