Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
