You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
