I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
