Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's always time for handjobs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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