i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
