He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
