There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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