6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
