Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
