At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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