I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
