and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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