I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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