my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
