I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
