i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
