Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
