Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We are all done wearing pants today
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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