So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
