my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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