He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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