amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
