my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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