DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
