between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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