Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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