I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
