Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
