dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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