GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
