I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
