you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
