Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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