trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
