I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
