no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
