But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
