You really coming over, don't trick.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
