Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
