I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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