You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
