I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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