She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
