She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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