this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
