i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
